


Elfish Wishes

by Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Puns & Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:35:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1396564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avon wakes up (or does he) as an elf, with Santa Blake in all his red-fur and white bearded glory insisting he get up and get to work making computers for children.</p><p>When Blake realizes elf-Avon is cold, he helps him warm up. Several times. Avon's still not sure if this is a dream or not, but he's stopped worrying about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elfish Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> Blakefancier and I played the basis of this in an RPG long ago. To save covering up Bf's current fandom interests on her dashboard with old B7, I'm going to post this without using the official coauthor format (and yes, I did discuss it with her, and got a thumbs up). I'll change it later, when Bf has added enough new stuff that it will be buried.

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Avon woke from an unusually sound sleep and rubbed his face. He paused. Something felt odd... his ears had... points? He blinked and sat up, and was further astonished to discover that he was sleeping in a bed covered with gaily patterned eiderdown duvets several inches thick, in a room whose walls were made of... wood - carved and painted wood, at that. He got out of bed and discovered the reason for the duvets. It was bloody COLD! He dove back under the quilts and pulled them over his head. He must still be sleeping. This must all be a dream. He'd wait until the alarm tone woke him up properly, and then go to the flight deck and get a good dose of reality by arguing with Blake.

A door opened, and Blake entered the room. "Avon! What are you doing in bed?"

Avon pulled down the duvet, and stared in horror. Blake had a white beard, and a red and white suit, and had put on weight; a lot of weight. "Go away. I'm having a nice, peaceful nightmare, and I don't need you spoiling it."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the pole this morning." Blake put his hands on his hips, his wide, wide hips. "Now, now, Elf Avon, you know you're supposed to be working on those computers for the children."

"Children?" Avon shook his head. "No. I do not know what twist of psyche is responsible for this, but I am not going along with it." Avon pinched the back of his hand. "Ow."

"Out of bed, Elf Avon!" Blake shook his head, grabbed the covers and gave them a yank. "We don't have time to dawdle."

The cold air hit Avon again, raising goosebumps on his naked body. He had never had a dream so viscereally real. "It's not a dream?" Avon shook his head. "A gap in interdimensional reality? No... that doesn't make sense..." Avon looked at Blake and felt it must be all Blake's fault. Most things were. "You did this!"

Blake frowned at Avon, and then his expression became sympathetic. "Oh, you're cold." He climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around Avon. "Is this better?"

Oh, well, maybe it _was_ a dream, and if it was going to be that sort of dream... "Yes." Avon started undoing the big gold buttons on Blake's suit. Maybe this was a result of listening to Vila and his fantasies about women in red fur.

"Elf Avon! What are you doing?!" Blake grabbed Avon's wrists.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle." Avon rubbed his bare foot inside Blake's thigh. "Come on, you know you want to."

"I don't think the union would like that very much."

"What union?" Avon rubbed his face against Blake's beard and tried to get his leg against Blake's crotch. "Mmm... nice and soft. The beard, that is. I can tell you're interested."

"The Elf Union." Blake moved to pin down Avon. "We have a lot of toys to finish before Christmas." Blake's 'mission' voice was always sexy.

"Vibrating toys?" Avon rubbed his groin against Blake. "We don't need them."

"Toys for _children._ " Blake wiggled, apparently trying to get into a more comfortable position, not attempting to get away. "You're a very bad elf. You know that, don't you?" He leaned down and kissed Avon.

"How do you know I'm bad before you've tried me?"

Blake raised a shaggy white eyebrow. "Don't tell me that you don't remember?"

Avon looked down at Blake's crotch. "How could I forget that? Would you refresh my memory?"

"If I must. Unwrap your gift." He gestured to his trousers.

"It would help if you'd release my wrists." Avon grinned up at Blake. "Into bondage, are you?"

"Maybe I want you to use your teeth."

"You're very trusting." Avon rubbed against Blake again. "Do you want to risk it?"

"You're an elf. You don't have it in you to be hurtful." Blake gave Avon a slow, gentle kiss.

"Ah..." Avon licked his lips after the kiss. "But you said yourself, I'm a bad elf."

"Bad elf or not, you _couldn't_ hurt me. It's impossible."

"Oh, I know you could be hurt." Avon looked at Blake. "I've seen it."

Blake blinked. "You're a strange elf." He licked Avon's nose. 

"I suppose I am." Avon kissed Blake and laughed. "The beard tickles."

Blake released one of Avon's wrists, reached down and pinched a nipple. "Ah!" Avon arched up against Blake. "*greedily* "Do that again." His freed hand snaked down to Blake's crotch and began undoing a complicated arrangement of buttons.

Blake grinned, gave the nipple a lick, then bit it gently. Avon breathed in sharply, and fumbled faster. "You know your way around an elf, I'm happy to say." Blake sucked on Avon's nipple and with his free hand gently stroked his belly, drawing candy-cane shapes on his skin. Avon finally worked his way down through layers of fur, and silk boxers, which a quick peek revealed to be red and printed with white reindeer. He murmured appreciatively as he fondled his prize. "Oh, now, that's nice and warm."

Blake moaned and kissed his way across Avon's chest to nibble on the other nipple. He slid his free hand down and tickled Avon's balls. Avon gasped and slid down just enough to rub their cocks together while stroking the wet tip of Blake's cock with his thumb. Blake let out a long moan and looked up at Avon. "You taste like gingerbread, Elf Avon."

Avon laughed. "Do you want to eat me?"

"Only if you promise to be a good elf."

At this point, Avon would promise to be a purple cow, if that's what it took. "Yes! I promise."

"Good elf. Then Father Christmas is going to lick your candy cane." Blake slid down Avon's body. "Do you know your Christmas carols?"

"Wasn't there one about 'Oh, _Come_ all ye gentlemen'?"

"Sing it for me?" Blake licked the tip of Avon's cock.

"I don't....ah... recall all the words...Avon's eyes were beginning to cross. "Oh, come all ye gentlemen... wearing fine array... bring allllll your gifts of joy....:

Blake wrapped his fingers around the base of Avon's cock. "That's the Christmas spirit." Then he took the head of Avon's cock into his mouth and sucked hard. Avon bucked and shrieked something that didn't belong to any holiday lyric sheet, coming hard, so hard he couldn't be bothered to see or hear or think. Blake continued sucking until Avon had softened. He released his cock and he nuzzled Avon's belly. "You taste very sweet, Elf Avon. I've decided to give you another treat." Avon spread his legs, hoping he'd guessed Blake's meaning.

Blake chuckled. "Turn over, Elf Avon. I want you to be comfortable."

"Mmm...all right." After a moment, Avon rediscovered elbows and used them to pry himself up and over, flopping amongst the crumpled duvets and burrowing in for warmth. "m' back's cold."

"Don't worry, I'll warm you." Blake began kissing the back of Avon's neck and his shoulders.

"Mmmm..." Avon turned his head to one side and went boneless, simply absorbing sensation. It occurred to him that he must trust Blake to be so completely relaxed. He'd have to think about that later... much, much later.

Blake continued down Avon's back, licking and nipping and sucking at his skin until he reached his arse. He took a bite of one cheek. "Ah, deliciously plump. Like sweet sugarplums."

Avon wriggled and flexed his arse muscles. Years of butt-clenches did pay dividends. "They're all yours."

"Thank you, Elf Avon. It's a lovely gift." Blake gave the other cheek a bite. He parted Avon's cheeks. "What's this? A cherry?" He gave Avon's hole a lick.

"Ahh...oh, that's nice." Avon hadn't thought Blake was that kinky, but he was certainly not complaining. Blake teased Avon's 'cherry' with the tip of his tongue. His beard rubbed against Avon. Avon squirmed, and found himself giggling as the beard tickled his inner thighs. Blake gave Avon's 'cherry' a final kiss and slid up his body. "I like that sound."

Avon grinned and looked back at Blake. "You make me feel very young and foolish."

"I've been told that an elvish ears are very sensitive. Let's find out, shall we?" Blake ran his tongue over the tip of Avon's ear. Avon was astonished at the effect Blake's warm tongue on his ears had. It went straight to his groin. He yelped and lifted his hips.

Blake chuckled and flipped open the top of a tube of lube he'd produced from somewhere. "The rumours are true." He quickly slicked his cock, then tossed the lube onto the nightstand. He pressed his cock against Avon's hole and sucked on the tip of his ear.

Avon moaned and arched his back. "Oh... please! I'll be good."

Blake shoved in and nipped his ear. "Do you like your present?"

"Ahh! Yes!" Avon pushed back against Blake. "Oh, that's good."

Blake began to thrust into Avon, fast and hard, occasionally licking his ears. "That's my good little elf. Always so exciteable."

This had to be the best wet-dream Avon's ever had. He grunted and pushed back against Blake even harder.

"Are you... my good... little elf, Avon?"

"Yes! Yes, anything you say, Blake!" Avon rocked back against Blake and moaned again. "Anything, just don't stop!"

Blake nipped at his ear and Avon really couldn't think at all. "Tell me... you're my good little elf. And call me... by my... rightful name. Father Christmas."

"I'm... I'm your good little elf...Father Christmas! Please!"

"Come for me!" Blake thrust into Avon one last time, and with a harsh cry, came.

"Yes!" Avon let out a high-pitched wail, and soaked the sheet beneath himself. "Ooh, oh... yes..."

Blake pulled out and collapsed next to Avon. "Are you ready to start the day, Elf Avon? Those computers aren't going to make themselves."

Avon turned and looked at Blake, suddenly realizing just how much larger than him Blake was. He'd just thought Blake was heavy. He didn't like this dream any more. It was far too linear. Why hadn't Blake turned into a Cygnus Major plant, or his old boss from the bank, or even his creche school teacher... "I'm going to wake up now. It must be time." He closed his eyes, tightly. "When I count to three, you'll be gone, and I'll be back in my bunk on Liberator. One... Two..."

Blake frowned and rubbed Avon's bottom. "What's wrong with you, Elf Avon? You didn't bump your head again, did you?"

Avon's eyes flew open. "I am not an elf. I couldn't be! I... I am an embezzler, second-most-wanted terrorist in the Federation! This is all a dream! It has to be! Why can't I wake up?"

Blake gave Avon a hug. "Elf Avon, we've been over this. Remember what the psychothera-elf said, concentrate on something physical. Something you can touch. You _are_ an elf. The rest of it is just a dream."

Avon looked at Blake. "I don't go around shooting people?"

"No, Avon, you don't go around shooting people," Blake said patiently. "You make toys for children."

"Are you certain? I distinctly recall running around in rock-quarries, fighting with people. Punching and kicking and... hitting them over the head with sticks... and my gun lit up! And we had a huge spaceship, faster and more powerful than anything else! It had a glowing green Christmas ornament at the back! It could heal itself! And one of our crew was a giant with a metal device in his head..." Avon's certainty was wavering. "And an alien woman who could talk in our minds... and a lady pirate who wore purple trousers... and a thief who told bad jokes... and a computer with blinking fairy lights inside a fish tank.."

Blake stroked Avon's ear with his finger, teasing the tip. "Now does that sound very likely, Avon? If that were true, then why are you here? Why are you on the North Pole? Why do you have pointed ears? Why am I here?"

Avon looked up at Blake, hopefully. "Mystical aliens? A space-warp? Maybe I'm in a coma, shot by the evil President of the Federation, and all my friends are gathered around my bedside, trying to talk me back to consciousness?"

"Would you really rather be there, in that dangerous universe, hurting people?"

"No... but... I was important." Avon pouted. "I wasn't just one elf among all the others...not to you."

"You are important to me. You don't think I do this with all the elves, did you?" Blake gave Avon's ear a light pinch.

Avon smiled slowly. "Am I your number one elf? Deva says he is."

"Of course you're my number one elf." Blake kissed him gently. "My beautiful elf."

Avon smiled and kissed Blake in return. "I'll make you the best children's computers ever."

"You always did." Blake hugged him tightly "Now are you ready to go to the workshop?"

Avon tugged at Blake's beard. "I need a shower first, Father Christmas. Don't you?"

"Yes. We don't want to be dirty. The workshop is close quarters."

"I hope there's some hot water left." Avon got out of bed slightly gingerly. Santa Blake was big.

"There's always hot water, Elf Avon." Blake got out of bed and took Avon's hand. "Let's hurry into the bathroom. I know how you hate being cold." Avon cuddled up against Blake, who was still wearing red fur, which miraculously hasn't become dirty, and went with him to the bathroom. Blake slapped his arse. "Run the bath, please, while I undress."

Yes, Father Christmas." Avon prepared the bath, managing to bend over several times while adjusting taps and putting in bath oil and sponges and little pink ducks.

Blake slowly undressed, and hung up his suit, He stared at Avon's arse. Avon knew that, because he could see Blake's blurred reflection in the bath tile. He hid a smile and bent down yet again to put a bar of soap in the dish next to the tub. Then he turned around. "Have I forgot anything?"

Naked, Blake walked over to Avon and fondled his ears. "No, I think you have everything."

Avon smiled up at Blake. "So have you."

Blake gathered Avon close and kissed him. "Get into the tub."

Avon climbed into the tub and picked up a pink duck. He made it squeak. "Deva _is_ very good with ducks." He felt it only right to give credit where credit was due.

Yes, he is." Blake followed Avon into the tub, giving a happy sigh as he lowered himself into the hot water. "All of you have your specialties."

"I like computers.... and radio-controlled toys." Avon pouted as he remembered a tricky project. "I'll get that toy-flame-throwing robot to work, yet."

Blake laughed. "Now, now, Elf Avon. You know we can't give children anything that shoots fire."

"Well... how about little fizzy sparks? Boys would love it." Avon thought a moment. "Probably some girls, too." Avon made a pink duck squeak.

"Perhaps." Blake reached out and tickled Avon's toes. "It'll have to go through safety checks."

Avon wriggled his toes and grinned. "I could also do some wind-up Decimas."

"What's a Decima?"

"They're the latest craze. All the little girls want them. They're little cabbage people with squeaky voices. Next year they'll be wanting Decima-houses and Decima-dress-ups."

"Cabbage people?" He shook his head and began to massage Avon's feet. "Very strange."

"Ooh... that feels lovely, Father Christmas. Years ago it was Cabbage Patch dolls. I've been collating children's letters from the last hundred years to attempt to extrapolate future trends and I'm beginning to get results."

"You're a good elf, Avon." Blake began to massage Avon's calves. "I'm glad you decided to stay here in the North Pole."

"I wouldn't want to leave you, Father Christmas!" Avon sighed and relaxed into the massage. "But the cold does sometimes bother my sinuses."

Blake inched closer, his hands sliding up to caress Avon's thighs. "I know. That's why I always make sure your jobs are always inside the workshop."

Avon pouted again, letting his lower lip do what it wanted. "Just once, though, I'd like to ride with you on Christmas Eve even if I did get cold. I'd wear extra socks!"

"We'll see, Elf Avon." Blake tickled Avon's balls. "If you're a good elf, I might let you ride with me."

Avon squirmed and giggled. "I'll be good!"

"Would you like to ride me now?" Blake slid a finger behind Avon's balls and fingered his hole.

"Oh, yes, I would! Is it all right if the computers wait just a little longer?"

"Yes, but only a little longer." Blake coaxed Avon close. "Will you give me a kiss?"

"Oh, yes." Avon pressed his wet, soapy body against Blake. "Candy kisses, sweet as sugar-plums." He kissed Blake. Blake kissed back, hungrily. He slipped a soapy finger inside of Avon and tangled the fingers of his free hand in Avon's hair. Avon moaned against Blake's mouth and wriggled.

Blake slid a second finger inside of Avon and gave them a wiggle. He murmured softly against Avon's mouth. Avon was a quick elf. He pushed his cock against Blake's belly and moaned louder.

"I ...want to make sure... you're well stretched. Don't want... to hurt you." Panting, Blake shoved a third finger up Avon. Avon squeaked a little and wriggled. Blake stopped and took a deep breath. "Are you all right? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Oh, no!" Avon giggled. "You just hit my elf-spot."

"Your elf-spot?" Blake frowned and wiggled his fingers again.

"OH! Oh, yes, Father Christmas!" Avon grabbed his 'toy' to keep it from going off too soon.

Blake stopped wiggling his fingers. "Hmm, how are we going to manage this? Perhaps if you wrap your legs around my waist?"

Avon grinned wickedly. "Then I could climb your North Pole." He put his hands on Blake's shoulders and wrapped his legs around Blake's well-padded waist.

Blake laughed. "Yes, that's it exactly." Blake pulled out his fingers, held his cock steadly, and slowly manuevered Avon onto it. He hissed softly. "You're so tight."

"You're so big. Ahh..." Avon hugged Blake's chest and bounced slightly.

Blake pulled him onto his cock and gave him a hard kiss. "My lovely elf."

"Love you, Father." Avon moaned.

"I love you too, Avon." He grabbed Avon by the hips and began to move him. The water was splashing, pink ducks were squeaking, Elf Avon was warm and full of Christmas Spirit, personified. He laughed for sheer joy and clung to Father Christmas. He started humming 'jingle bells' to himself softly, and bouncing up and down in tune to the music.

Blake began to laugh in between his gasps and moans.

"Oh, what fun it was to ride.... a one-elf Santa Blake..." Avon grinned and sped up the tempo.

Blake bit his bottom lip, reached between them and begin to stroke Avon's cock. Avon moaned and did his version of the Peppermint Twist on Blake's hard candy stick. Blake groaned and leaned forward to suck on Avon's neck. His hand moved faster on Avon. Avon's voice was getting very raggedy, interrupted by squeaks and gasps. He put his hands in Blake's hair, holding him close. Blake let out a roar, squeezed Avon's cock and came violently. Avon followed immediately, every muscle tightening, and then melting into slush. "Ummmm...." He rested his head against Blake's chest.

Blake released Avon's cock and hugged him tightly. "That was lovely." He kissed the top of Avon's head "How do you feel?"

"Marvelous." Avon sighed. "I think I need a cup of cocoa, and then I'll be ready to work."

Of course you do. And perhaps some sticky buns?" Blake smiled, as wicked a smile as Santa Blake ever smiled.

Avon giggled. "I love sticky buns."

"Yes, I know how much you love sweets. Sweet."

"I like tart things, too." Avon kissed Blake again. "They make my mouth pucker."

Blake tugged on a lock of Avon's hair. "It seems that I like tart things too."

"Maybe you'll be lucky and find me in your stocking on Christmas morning."

"I can only hope." Blake gave Avon's hip a playful slap. "We should get out of the tub before we shrivel up."

Avon squirmed and slid off Blake's cock. "A shrivelled Father Christmas would be terrible. No one would recognize you."

"It would be very horrible. I would make children cry." Once Avon pulled away, Blake climbed out of the bath, grabbed a towel and held it out for Avon.

Avon used the towel to carefully dry his hair and ears. "I think you'll need three of my elf-size towels."

Once Blake was mostly dry, he began to dress. "Oh, I hope I haven't been away too long. You know how those elves in the 'sports equipment' section spend too much time playing and not enough working."

"Well, they have to test their balls, don't they?" Avon got clothes from his clothes-press and started dressing.

That's true." Blake checked his reflection in the mirror, then he turned to Avon and winked. "How do I look?"

"Perfect." Avon smiled. He stomped into his green elf-boots, making the bells jingle and gave his hair a little touch with the comb. "Am I presentable?"

"You look wonderful, my little elf." Blake stroked Avon's cheek and smiled.

Avon reached as high up as he could and hugged Blake. Blake returned the hug. "Now don't let Deva's teasing upset you."

"No, no I won't." Avon rubbed his head. "I still wish I knew how I got this bump on my head that gave me the bad dreams."

"I wouldn't worry about it, Elf Avon. All that matters was that you're all right."

"Yes." Avon reached up to take Blake's hand. "Have you already had breakfast?"

"I've had my gingerbread and cup of cocoa."

"You need more than that. You're not an elf." Avon tugged on Blake's hand.

Blake allowed himself to be led out of the room. "And what do you suggest?"

"Waffes covered in hot peach preserves, topped with whipped cream? Sausages and fried tomatoes,coddled eggs and hash browns... you know, a light snack."

"That sounds wonderful." Blake tousled Avon's hair. "Will you eat with me?"

"Oh, yes. I'd like that very much. We can't work if we're weak from hunger, could we?"

"No, no, we certainly can't. And we had a lot of exercise this morning."

"We sit too much. We should exercise together every day." Elf-Avon led Blake to the corridor, where busy elves were running around with packages.

"But we don't want to exercise too much. Or we'll never get anything done." Blake grinned at the elves rushing past, stopping every once in a while to chat. 

"I'll work extra hard today, to get ahead." Avon signaled an elf with floury ears, and gave him Blake's snack order. The elf dove down an elf-pole to the kitchen to get started cooking it.

"Just don't work too hard that you forget to eat, Elf Avon. I don't want you fainting and bumping your head again."

Avon nodded. But. On the off chance this was the dream, and he woke up a bad-tempered, Santa-less, rebel, Avon decided he would make sure to hit his head a lot more often.


End file.
